Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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