Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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