I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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