She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
