the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
