i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think I am morally bankrupt
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
