there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
