At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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