I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
