he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
