no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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