Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
