Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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