I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
