Someone shit on the floor
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize