Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
