Fine. I'll sleep in my office
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
