He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
