I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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