Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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