Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
