His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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