Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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