cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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