Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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