I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
