so explain again why im purple
no
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My ATM looks so different sober.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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