I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
