reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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