i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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