so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
