didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
