The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
