so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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