Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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