I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
