I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
