he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
