Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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