Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
ok first of all what the fuck
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
