You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
