I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
