May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
