I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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