went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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