yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
