Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
