No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
