y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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