I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
