I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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