and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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