mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
