I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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