One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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