i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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