some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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