I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
