Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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