I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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