I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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