Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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