what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
